Sunday, 17 February 2019

Corrective Lens

I don't remember exactly how old I was when I started wearing glasses but I remember the day, clear as anything. The trees outside suddenly possessed an unbelievable definition. Leaves! It was possible to actually see individual ones! Maybe I'd have remembered something different if I'd gained them in winter, but the leaves have stuck.

Funny thing is, "blurriness" is such a vague concept before you look through corrective lenses. Even now I can spend much of a morning without my glasses and get by alright with close-up work, but then I look up at the clock and realize I can't see a thing. I'm currently writing on my laptop, and though it's only a foot away, I need my specs to read the screen.

I can't see things well at a distance, physically. But spiritually speaking, I think I might be far-sighted. Only with the passage of time or the perspective shift of stepping back from a situation can I see the blessings of God. Up close? In the moment? All too often I find myself squinting and frowning in frustration, trying in vain for clarity and missing what's right in front of me.

My husband also wears glasses. Our little one has little hope of 20/20 vision where his eyeballs are concerned, but I hope he takes after his dad in light of this visual metaphor. Ben is so much better at seeing the positive sides of any situation. He subconsciously counts blessings all day long, and it comes out in the way he speaks to others -- especially at home. He is gentle and kind, patient and generous. We can live through the exact same day, full of crying babies and burned quesadillas and water on the floor, and a messy house, and a list of things left undone, and he can smile at the end of it. His list of what happened would be totally different after a day like this. He might not even mention that our child threw up in his beard tonight, which is both horrifying and hilarious because it was not me. His positivity is baffling, and some days it's the only blessing I can see without help.

I need a new prescription. I need reading glasses for my soul. Suggestions? How can I tint my pair rose-coloured so that I can start seeing the good things around me? How can I sharpen my attention and soften my heart? Time for one last feed of my little -- maybe tonight a prayer in the moonlight will help me see him a little more clearly.

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